To Tip or Not To Tip… Your Wedding Vendor

Article Brought To You By Wedding Planner, Jennifer Harrup of Jennifer Laura Design

Tipping wedding vendors is somewhat of a controversial topic. I know this. Three years ago one of my very first clients asked my advice on whether or not they needed to tip their wedding vendors. Now it’s an unbelievably common question by almost all of my clients, understandably so because there are a lot of mixed messages out there so I wanted to give my take on the topic and what I tell my clients now when they ask.

When I first started researching this (back when I was getting married) I found loads of websites that had written articles on this topic- some gave general guidelines which I think are pretty fair (like this), but there are others who give some advice which I don’t really agree with (like this and this).  Every time I get asked this question my answer is always- 1. There are a few vendors that absolutely need to be tipped, but not as many as you would think. Waiters, bartenders, and drivers (limo, shuttle, etc.) for sure. Most of the time the gratuity is even included in the price of what you are quoted so pay attention, if it’s not you may want to ask to have it included so you don’t have to think about it on your wedding day. That is it. No it is not required for you to tip your DJ, photographer, and/or wedding planner. 2. After the wedding is over if you think any of your vendors went above and beyond the call of duty and you are just feeling overly generous then go ahead…but I would never want any client to tip me (or one of their other vendors) because they think it is expected or rude if they don’t. It’s not. I do not go into a wedding expecting to get a tip and I honestly don’t think other vendors should either. With that being said- there are a lot of vendors who expect a tip and are upset when they don’t get one (as evidenced by some of the above links). I can’t comprehend expecting additional money on top of what I’ve already charged my client…it’s just plain entitled and rude in my opinion. This needs to change.

I didn’t tip my wedding vendors (*gasp*) even though several of them went above and beyond, we just didn’t have the money. Plain and simple as that. I felt really guilty because so much of the research I had done seemed like it was expected and something mandatory….so I really felt terrible about it for a long time. Now that I am wedding vendor myself I have let that guilt go because the truth is NOT EVERYONE TIPS!!! Yup. Isn’t that freeing to know!? It’s not mandatory, it shouldn’t be expected, and it’s ok if you don’t.

How often do we get tips you might wonder? I would say maybe two out of every ten clients sends a tip our way. And I promise I don’t love those clients any more than the others (yes, sometimes I really do LOVE my clients). There have been so many awesome clients that we didn’t get a tip from and I could have cared less. Most (if not all) of those clients ended up writing me a really amazing review on wedding wire or the knot which in my opinion is just as valuable. Are we incredibly grateful and humbled when we receive a tip? Yes, absolutely. Do we go into a wedding expecting a fistful of cash at the end of the night? Absolutely not.  I did some very unofficial research while writing this article- ie e-mailing all of my industry friends and asked them how often they received a tip and how much it was. Their answers were extremely similar to mine- they absolutely aren’t getting tips at the end of every wedding and they aren’t leaving the wedding upset about it. One of my DJ friends said he got a tip last weekend for the first time in months for $100 and he was surprised and honored. Another photographer friend said she has never received a monetary tip (after many years in this business), but a lot of her clients will give her a little gift instead. Another DJ said that they rarely get tips, but do get a lot of handwritten thank you notes that they really treasure and have made a corkboard wall in their office to house all of them. While working on this article I made a list of the clients who tipped me over the last year and I was surprised to realize there were only two clients who did…I honestly hadn’t even thought about it until then.

Planning a wedding is expensive. Sometimes I wonder about these vendors who are expecting tips- have they planned their own wedding? Do they remember what it’s like shelling out several thousands of dollars a month to keep up with all of the vendors you have hired? Probably not. I do and it wasn’t pleasant. Worth it? Yes, but still not pleasant. Tipping should be reserved for vendors that go above and beyond the call of duty and even then if it’s not in your budget, just don’t. Take a few minutes out of your day to write them an amazing review instead and please don’t stress about it. We charge the fees that we do for a reason and I promise you that in itself is enough.

There is also some information out there about tipping business owners vs. employees. As in- you shouldn’t tip a business owner because they set their own prices and you should tip employees because they aren’t setting their own price and it’s nice to give them a little extra. Rubbish. Again, my rule still holds true- business owner or not if they go above and beyond and you can afford it and want to then by all means give them a tip. Employees are getting a fair wage that they’ve agreed to and again should not expect a tip. This is coming from a woman whose husband was a waiter for many years and yes, by all means you need to tip your waiter because they are probably making $3 an hour and they live on tips…but that’s an entirely different topic. I promise you that none of the vendors at your wedding are making $3 an hour, even the wait staff and bartenders are probably making at least $7-$10 an hour (before gratuity).

Then there are the vendors out there that say- well normal people just don’t understand how hard and physically demanding it is to work a wedding…Ok, this is absolutely true. My day usually starts at 7am, doesn’t end until well past midnight and it is pretty much non-stop. Sure, it’s a hard day- but there are a lot of people who have hard jobs who wouldn’t dream of expecting a tip. My mother-in-law is a flight nurse and takes care of patients on their deathbed everyday. I promise you her job is a million times harder than my job and I also promise you she would never expect anyone whose life she saved (which I’m sure has been hundreds) to shell out a monetary tip for her. I mean let’s put things into perspective?

A few takeaways:

– tip only if 1) that vendor rocked your face off 2) you have money in your pocket 3) you really really want to

– NOT EVERYONE TIPS- It’s not the standard. I promise.

– working a wedding is hard, but we’re not saving anyone’s life here.

– if you loved your vendors and you are wedding poor, take the time to leave them a review. We LOVE reviews!!!! They are worth SO much to us!!

Article Brought To You By Wedding Planner, Jennifer Harrup of Jennifer Laura Design